Your Child Isn't Being Difficult: Their Nervous System Is Doing Its Job
When your child cries, refuses, runs away, covers their ears, pushes food away, shuts down, or has a meltdown, it can look like they are “being difficult.”
But refusal behavior is often a child’s way of communicating: “This is too much for me right now.”
What Might Be Happening?
Your child’s nervous system is constantly taking in information about the food —sounds, sights, movement, touch, expectations, emotions, and demands. When their nervous system becomes overwhelmed, the brain may shift from learning mode to protection mode. You might see:
FIGHT → yelling, hitting, pushing, arguing
FLIGHT → running away, escaping, avoiding
FREEZE → becoming quiet, shutting down, not responding
SEEKING SAFETY → clinging, hiding, asking for the same thing repeatedly
These behaviors aren't necessarily a sign that your child won't do something.
Sometimes they are telling us: “I can't do this right now without more support.”
When your child feels safe and regulated, they are more available for:
Interacting with the food
Communicating
Following directions
Trying something new
Regulation Before Expectation
When your child is overwhelmed, adding more directions, corrections, or pressure may make the situation harder. Instead, think:
CONNECT → REGULATE → COMMUNICATE → TRY AGAIN
What Can I Do?
Stay calm and predictable. Your voice, facial expression, and gentle introduction of the food (even if it is less-preferred) can help communicate safety.
Use fewer words. Instead of a long explanation, try: “I'm here.” “You're safe.” “Let's take a break.”
Reduce the demand temporarily (On the app you will see this as a back arrow that allows you to decrease the demand so that child can be successful)
A short break isn't “giving in.” It may give your child's nervous system time to become ready to participate